*deep breath*

Hello, new, thought I could blab here...

SO! My mother was able to get an HMO for us, I have a job and am helping her pay and all that, so anyway, I went to the doc about a month ago and because I was having crazy crazy weird panic stuff, it was a mix of dissociation which was causing me to get really bad panic attacks, sort of like I wasnt connected to my body or I was seeing people through a fog as well as weird purple lights and time distortion. I would then get several weeks of extremely high energy as well as being reckless with money as well as reckless behavior, I am currently in so much debt because of this, now its too the point where I am so depressed, I have always gotten deppression and have lived with these strange up and downs all my life. It now is just getting really bad with the hallucinations and dissociative aspects. Long explanation yea...so I finally went to a pysch (not my first time, I went to other types though, people who were pretty much free) today and was actually truthful for once in my life...it was so fucking hard though. Not sure whats going to happen, I just want the weird shit to stop. I do feel a little better being able to speak the truth, but I find it really hard to speak the truth, its sort of new to me.

Ok so there, I blabbed!

Free Online SUpport site

Hey I have a support site, its growing at a quick pace at 144 members now and i think it will help you guys.  It is on mental health issues, has forums on depression, bipolar, suicide, personality disorders, among a lot of other things.  It even has a chat that is starting to get used.  Please check it out.  The link is http://selfhelp.yuku.com it has helped me an im a recovering cutter who suffers from depression ptsd and mpd.  stay strong and be safe.

(no subject)

Hi just introducing myself here I just joined. My name's 'Renee' & I'm 20 yrs old. I don't know what's medically wrong with me, I just know that I'm depressed & anxious... Ever since I was a kid I have been anxious because my parents fought all the time. I've done everything to cope from cutting, burning, purging, drinking, smoking (recently quit this, yay) etc... Don't really talk to anyone either at work or off work. I recently switched to part-time because I can't take being around people for so much time. I have a hard time with eye contact especially; I'm very awkward @ it & since I work w/ the public directly (I'm a pharmacy clerk), it's downright confusing for the customers. It's no secret how anti-social I am, although I can turn on 'friendly' like a light, it's extremely uncomfortable for me. For every positive thought I have 10 negative ones to put it in its place. I hardly call anyone back. I don't go anywhere else except home. I can't coexist around people at a party without getting DRUNK. When I was in school I used to just sit in this one dark room every break or lunch & huddle in the corner. I'm trying to cut my bills down to be proportional to my income, you know do without, but I feel like I'll never make enough money to do anything with my life. I'm trying to seek help but it's a very long process.


I'm at an in between point in my disorder(s). I deleted my old account a while back, then just deleted the old posts on this account very recently. I needed change, I guess. But to the point.

I'm looking for some supportive friends to listen to and to listen. Preferably someone who has something in common with me in the areas of age, mental illness, etc. I prefer not to have people who are under age on my journal since it usually has some adult content.

So, about me: 28, queer female. Diagnoses include bipolar, borderline, anxiety disorder, OCD, and at one time included anorexia, though I'm at a healthy weight these days. Possible sex addiction. Recreational drug and alcohol user. Hopefully reformed self harmer. Currently unmedicated. I'm not terribly concerned what your outside interests are, since mine often change, but more that you understand these issues do come up in my journal and I don't use an lj cut for triggers and consequently prefer not to have easily triggered or offended people on my friend's list.

Thanks and my apologies, but I'm crossposting. Hope you only had to see this once.

Some musiс


Manifesto "Dyudrok"

(New Experimental Art)

1. In connection with the so-called global crisis art movement "POP-REVOLUTION"
(with the partial assistance of ART-REVOLUTION) and the artist Artyom Suslov
as well as several other free artists decided to create and implement the concept of
promotion of new art "Dyudrok."

The essence of this art is to re-establish the own way of avant-garde and surrealism.
Dyudrok included any avant-garde and modern art with blurred boundaries of genres and
unlimited fantasy of the author.

At the moment, the world economic system as well as world political system infringe
on the majority of rights, freedoms, opportunities and even hopes of man.
In this regard, decreasing the creative capacity of most people because
it decreases the level and scope of vision as well as the hope of translating its
into reality. At the time of the current crisis, a simple man forgets about high ideals,
he dreams at a low level. Dyudrok must to protect people from objective reality.
We believe - the objective reality that is at this level of crisis can and should move to
second place. We have the right to push it into second place if we give to the man a
new reality, which will carry the title of "objective". what is now "objective" will take
second place, or just disappear for a man.

Accordingly, we believe that everyone, regardless of his religious beliefs, his status in
the society, and regardless of the sanctions, which in future could be taken against the
"Dyudrok" has the right to go to the new reality at any time, partially or completely .

2. In our view, any human rights organization and any commission or authority that
to deal with human rights have the obligation to protect the right of every adult
in the transition, partial or complete, in a different reality.

3. If the man who entirely gone in a different reality according with the laws of this reality
can no longer be capable - this is his personal decision as the new reality does not contradict
the existing laws and not causing harm to anyone. Neither does the campaign leading cause harm.
No one is obliged to support the individual's life in old reality when he left a letter of
advice (note) with the signatures of witnesses.

4. The departure of a reality, as well as assistance in this, not an injury to humans,
because the only thing involved in this process - the human imagination.
But imagination does not belong to the bodi, as well as the experiments of the imagination
is not harmful for the rights of mental functions.
Accordingly, there is no room for any regulations on the intentional infliction of harm or death to
humans. Also note that imagination is fully subject to his master.

5. Relatives and friends of man who passed away in a different reality have the right to challenge the
decision through the courts or through the human rights organizations and and demand to return
him to the reality in which they are located. In doing so, c. 5 is partly contrary to the core - 1 item,
and further debate on this soil can be resolved only in the mutual agreement of the parties.

6. As Dyudrok is not limited with anything and depends only on the human imagination,
it does not conflict with any law and religious customs.

7. For the same reason (not limited and opportunity
giving own properties) Dyudrok and concept its development
and its veneration is not any organization or religion
nor the political movement. Because Dyudrok do not have its own symbols and beliefs.

The author of the Manifesto is Artyom Suslov.
Art - Movement "POP-REVOLUTION"
  • tawna

Working while on SSI

Greetings. For the past few years, I have been living on SSI. I would like to someday become independent of such Federal assistance and pursue a career in video games.

Would any of you happen to know if there might be a way for me to work temporary full-time jobs and still receive SSI?

In August, I accepted a full-time job as a QA tester for Disney Interactive, and I worked at it for a couple of weeks, only to get let go, and then later, I encountered problems with Social Security-- I got mail saying I earn too much to receive benefits, and I got mail telling me to pay for over-payment. I now fight to stay on SSI.

I would like to pursue the career of my dreams, but I worry about the only jobs available for me being full-time and temporary.

(no subject)


 I thought I would just post something to say that I have joined the community

I am 43 and artist, signal mother and LMT


 most of my post are friends only so if you come to visit and want to see my rants you will have to leave a comment on one of the open posts on my journal and I will add you 

I keep my journal to stay sane I blather and rant and to keep my precarious mental balance  that with lavender essential oil has worked almost as well as meds 

Hope this helps

So, I'm new to these sites and I'm new to certain diagnoses. I was diagnosed with Anorexia at 12 (I'm 27), bulimia at 19 and bipolar I and Generalized Anxiety Disorder at 25. If I can keep my anxiety and mood under control, the other two fall into place. I'm on Topamax, Lamictal and Effexor XR. Lamictal was a wonder drug for me. My moods were so severe, I needed two mood stabilizers. Topamax was just making me foggy and forgetful, but helped with stabilization. The Lamictal picked me up and the pieces fell  into place. Effexor took the edge off the anxiety and here I am living life. All I know about meds: WE CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT THEM. I go downhill within a week. I'm shell of myself and seriously contemplating suicide (I'm not manic, but depressive in those states).
As far as gov't aid: Disability is a great option. I went on it once already. if you don't have insurance, go to a clinic. They have psychiatrists who can make you eligible. The government will give you the time you need and if you have been at your job for more than a year, by law, they have to as well.
If your situation is more serious, seek out charity care. Charity care will usually pick up the complete tab for someone to do at least IOP and pay for meds if they meet the financial criteria, which varies from state to state. It can last as long as 6-8 months, which will allow you to really get back on your feet. They will allow you to go to state hospitals, which usually have very competant IOP programs.
Finally, welfare is always an option. Welfare will provide you with medicaid. I stress this because MEDICINE IS A PRIORITY FOR PEOPLE WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER. They will also be very flexible with work situations if you are seeking IOP treatment. I am in NJ. If anyone has any more specific questions related to this state, please reach out. I will do my best to help you.
My Best,
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful

(no subject)

So, a bit about me:
I'm 24. I have PTSD, EDNOS, Bipolar II, and a host of other labels various docs have tried to stick on me, but which I don't buy. I was hospitalized for the first time when I was 17, and managed to stay out of hospitals until I was about... 19 or 20. I've been in and out of hospitals, homeless shelters, and "independent living programs" since then. I had my own apartment for a while, but eventually started spending more time in the hospital than out of it and lost my job & apartment. I got on SSI about three years ago.

I have a good place to live right now. This is the first time in my life I've been able to say that honestly. It's safe and "loving".

However, I'm having a difficult time not getting rid of 99% of my stuff & running away. I've been homeless and on the edge of homelessness for the better part of seven years. Being in one place for so long is terrifying. It feels dangerous. I itch to leave, just forget about everything I own, and just take off. It's so hard to stay here, keep going to school, doing the things I know I need to do in order to have the life I want.
I've been battling this feeling for a while now, but it's just getting stronger. Maybe if I just chuck a bunch of the things I've collected, it will simmer down some.

I don't know how to be "normal", to have a bunch of objects that are mine (other than books), and to be happy and safe in one place. I need to leave, to be lighter. Being here feels dangerous, even though I know logically it isn't. The longer I stay, the more freaked out I get, and the harder it is not to self-destruct.